"I don't get it, Kibum," Jessica sobs, face stained with make-up as she rests her head down Kibum's shoulder. Kibum pats her head continuously, his face consoling with traces of anger boiling within. He never liked seeing her like this, so broken and empty, tears spilling endlessly. But it's one of those nights, where she just can't stop being so emotional and she would just ring him up and he'll show up. Like always.
"It's okay," he comforts, and god he was bad at it. But nevertheless, it's what he always says anyway, and she'll still come crying on his shoulders. Gently caressing her hair, he shushes her up, murmuring comforting words he never really understood himself. He didn't even really know the reason why she's like this again.
"It should have been me, right? Not her," she cries quietly, wiping her face with her tiny little fingers, up to the corners and all but it's never really enough to comfort her and stop the tears. "I was always a better match for him," she complains, looking up to Kibum to see signs of agreement. "Right, Kibum?" she looks up at him expectantly, needing him to nod or something, but he just stares.
"Better match for him?" he asks questioningly and Jessica glances at him with confused eyes. "Match for who?" he half hisses, but Jessica doesn't notice. She never does.
"Jonghyun," she confirms the fright building up inside Kibum. The fright that he, the best friend, will never be enough for her. She never mentioned who she's really in love with, so that made Kibum a little bit confident of himself, that maybe, after all, it was him. But the jealousy springing to life inside of him was unstoppable, as he lets go of her tiny frame and he stares at her with bewildered eyes.
"Jonghyun?" he questions, his palm flying up to cover his angelic face. "You've never told me about it."
"You never gave us a chance to!" she defensively shouts, as if it was Kibum's fault after all of these times. Kibum almost glares at her.
"Us?" he groans, anger clearly visible in his voice. "You've been together and I didn't even know about it? What is this, some sort of game to the both of you?"
"Why are you so angry?" she asks, crossing her arms together as she looked straight at Kibum. "D-don't tell me-"
"I'm your best friend! Don't I have any right to know?" he mutters softly now, glaring at the floor as his fists curl into balls. "All those times you cried...was it because of him? And now what, you're crying because he dumped you cause of Sekyung?" he concludes, and he was right, noticing how quiet she ended up.
"Yeah, you're right," she whispers, lying down her bed and stares up at the ceiling. "I-I'm sorry."
“You do know that apologies don’t usually work for me, Sica.”
“I know…” she says, and silence ensues in the room for a while. Just her ragged breathing and her quiet sobs can be heard in the room, and god Kibum just wishes she can hear even the breaking of his heart.
“Don’t you know?” he starts off quietly, continuously staring at the floor. Jessica nods even if he can’t see. “Don’t you know how much I actually like you?” it was a painful statement that Kibum didn’t want to say after all these years they’ve been best friends. And it was a question that bothered Jessica all along but didn’t actually want to admit to herself.
“I-I…” she pauses, her body sitting up straight to watch Kibum’s familiar broad shoulders, his body shuddering as though he was out of breath. Feeling her stomach ache with nervousness, she reaches her hand out to touch him, but she doesn’t have the guts to do so. So she pulls her arm back, puts it around herself and gathers up all her courage to admit, “I never really knew. You…never told me.”
“What’s the point in telling you?” he says, his voice silently quivering. “You’ll never actually like me, won’t you.” It feels like he is judging her, but she knew he was too broken like her right now to even share the blame.
“I’m sorry,” is what she can only say, because right now, all she can think about was Kibum liking her, and what it would be like if they were together, if it was him holding her in his arms instead. Many things ran in her mind.
“No,” he says unconfidently. “You know what, I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have told you,” Kibum gets up, dragging his feet together to have the courage to walk away. In the end, it’s gonna be Kibum again who’ll end up apologizing, who’ll end up guilty. It’s a trait that she didn’t really like.
Gathering up her will, she stands up in the bed and grabs the back of his shoulder. “Don’t go.” It sounds as selfish as she was, but it was the only option to make him stay.
“I have to.” Kibum closes his eyes, feeling the warmth of her embrace in his back, and he knows he’ll just end up wanting more and more from this embrace. And he couldn’t, because after all, he’s still the best friend.
“No, you don’t,” she argues. “It’s my fault, so I’m sorry for being such a selfish brat,” she mutters. “I’m sorry for not knowing your feelings, I…I’m just sorry for everything. But I can’t just lie there and watch you go…you’re still a very important person to me. Probably more important than Jonghyun, you know.” She’s embarrassed to say this, but it was true anyway. Kibum was like someone whom she can be with at her best and worst.
“Silly,” he laughs half heartedly, his cheeks tainted with a blush. Pulling her tiny arms together, he turns around and rests his head on her shoulders. “Sorry for loving you so much.”
“From now on, you can have my shoulders to cry on,” she shyly says.
And loving you, that’s gonna come sooner.